HOME

7/22/04

I feel…good

I rather be…here

 

Why do you love me, Lord? Why did you pick me to enjoy the favor and the wealth of your presence in my life? I am not questioning your sacrifice, because I know it was the only way for me to be saved.  I speak of more than salvation from a never ending death in hell. I speak about your face shining upon me. I don’t question your love; I question your motive to love this fragile, unfaithful, sinner. 

 

Is it because I have tried to keep my heart good above all the evil around me? Is it because I force myself to be sincere to you?  Is it because I openly ask questions to really get to know you? Is it because I do not let myself get use to evil?  Is it because I choose to do “the right thing” no matter who ridicules me or what I may loose as a result?  Or is it more because I lack understanding and as my creator you choose to patiently love me and guide me through life as a father?  Is it because you know that the reason I keep falling short of your glory is that my short vision and human ignorance prompts me to follow self satisfaction like a dog follows its tail?  Is it because you pity my short comings knowing all the greatness I would experience if I only surrendered to your will? Is it because you are more stubborn than I know determined to fulfill your dreams for me in me?

 

Or is it a combination of all? Or is it none of the above?  You are above all words.  Your love defies all efforts to understand you.  Creation speaks of your mercies in a language we somehow misunderstand. I only know one thing for sure; I was created to worship you.  There is a melody within my soul that sings your praises all day long.  It is this song that cries out that you are my greatest desire.  It is there where I find my peace; it is there where I receive blessings; it is there where you make me whole.  It is the only place I find unfailing love that satisfies all of my needs. 

 

Draw me closer on to you, that there would be no more of me and only you remain.

 

You made this world for me; I don’t need it any more…

 

HOME

7/20/04

I feel…sleepy

I rather be…gardening

 

You learn complete surrender when things get out of hand, when you have to depend on someone else in order to make a move and when you care to listen to what God is trying to say to you.  Surrender of your mind and your intentions, however good they may be, is hard.  Surrendering to others because you need them is even harder.

 

My spiritual mirror for today is this next business adventure. I am in the process of making some investment moves that could render large profits.  I have examined the possibilities and some of the financial costs and risks, according to my limited abilities, and concluded that this could be a great opportunity.  I also acknowledged the fact that only God can see beyond what I see, which is not further than my nose and I have decided to trust Him to tell me what the best next move.  After all, He is my business partner and we share the vision.  But in trying to surrender my ways to His will, I have notice how much I yearn for control over things so I could jump ever so quickly in to my idea of “perfect” situations.  Looking into today’s mirror, I recognized this impulsiveness and compulsiveness that I sometimes confuse with drive. I also notice the stress on my neck, which only means one thing: I am once more letting my emotions get the best of me. The pressure on my right shoulder and the desire to eat something really, really sweet can drive me right into the arms of a warm chocolate chip cookie.  You know, to offset this electricity running through my body.

 

But I know why this is happening to me, it is because the Lord wants me to stop and get a hold of my self.  I need to trust Him and remind myself: we are in this together.  “If He is for me, who can be against me.”  He knows better than I could ever do.  If the plan I have is the best plan, He will make it happen without me stressing out.  If He has better plans, I know His plans are way better than mine.  After all, He has a better view. (Being in the heavens and all) Besides, I know that kind of jumping can be harmful in business, in life, and to my health.  So what is God trying to teach me? Patience and surrender.   I mean, how else would He trust me to handle the bigger deals that are to come? _”IN THE LITTLE YOU WERE FAITHFULL, IN MUCH MORE I WILL PUT YOU”

 

We tend to often ignore His loving words of wisdom until the hard times come and then we are left asking the age-less, universal question “why did this happen to me?”  I don’t want that.  I hate regrets.  I want to take the steps that He wants me to take, I want to enjoy the process and learn from it so I don’t have to do it again. This is a learning process that I don’t want to repeat so I must listen, observe the Master at work, and surrender.  Now, If I could only repeat this to myself another nine times, as a mantra, I would silent once and for all this voice in my head that keeps saying-what’s next?, what am I going to do?, don’t you have to call some people? Come on, lets get this going!!!!…

 

Comments?....email me

 

HOME

7/8/04

I feel…good

I rather be…with my babies

 

“Christian Public Service Announcement”

 

It is such a good feeling to belong to this family of people that believe in God.  It gives me an amazing joyous feeling to know there are millions of people that worship and love the name of Jesus, just like I do.  God keep us worshiping.

 

But I need to say something about how much we put each other down instead of building each other up.  With actions and words.  Sometimes even using His word!!! (shame on us)  And then we wonder why God’s miracles and signs do not flow more abundantly.

It is because of our own evil.  We criticize each other when we prosper, saying we are not humble. We criticize each other when we are sick, saying we must be doing something wrong. We criticize each other when we fall short of God’s perfection, not seeing that we are not perfect ourselves. We criticize each other when we try hard to please the Lord with our way of life, saying we are too strict. WHAT’S THE PROBLEM PEOPLE??? Do we forget that as individuals God works with us individually?  He speaks to us in different ways according to our particular needs?  That the only mirror we need is the bible, not our religious points of view.  That God’s desire is for us to love each other.

 

Let me be the reminder of a few key verses that will surely keep us on check before we start judging:

 

1)       Love thy neighbor as you love yourself.  (and for some of us that is a lot of loving)

2)      I came to give you life, and give it to you “abundantly” (abundantly being the key word here. What does abundant mean to you?)

3)      Take out the speck out of your own eye before pointing out your neighbor’s speck. (a blind man will drive another blind man down the pit)

4)      I to the sinners and the sick (so if you consider yourself perfect, I guess that leaves you out)

5)      And one of my favorites, the parable of the Religious-“righteous” man and the sinner at the synagogue. (the question is, which one are you?)

We need to stop our self stone cold on our tracks before we make any comments or judgment about our brothers and sisters remembering that our job, really, is to pray for them. -Because we have all fallen short of His glory.-  Let’s get it together people; there are promises to come to pass, there are riches to be enjoyed.  There are sick to be healed. There are dead to be awakened.  There are broken hearted to me loved.  Let’s get with the program, man. So we can begin enjoying His glory here as it is in Heaven.

 

Amen. 

Comments?....email me

 

7/7/04

I feel…good

I rather be…here. A miracle, I know

 

The other day as I was coming in to work I got stuck in a traffic jam for over 20 minutes.  I called my boss to let her know of my delay and as I hang up the phone I noticed the traffic finally started moving.  Now, isn’t that funny-I thought.  So I shuffle my way to find the fastest lane to get out of the jam and get to work (don’t ask me why) and I noticed this man driving ever so slowly, relaxing with his windows down, taking in the sun, leaving a very large gap in front of him. He was just chilling… And I wonder what is he doing?  Is Monday morning, we have places to be, things to do, people to see…MOVE!!! And then I realized, he is a genius…why are you in a hurry?  I already called to say I would be late, which he probably did too.  Why not really be late.  Is not like I really want to get there.  There is a traffic jam and I can’t change that.  Nobody can.  So what if it cleared out sooner than I thought?  They don’t know that. So what if I could actually make it on time?  I am stuck in traffic, man, leave me alone.  It is my commuter’s right to enjoy it.  I’ll get there when I get there.

 

I think that is the right state of mind. There is no need to hurry.  Unless you are having a baby or you have a life threatening situation, enjoy the slow-down periods in your life.  While waiting in line, while stuck in traffic.  Spend some time with your self.  Don’t be afraid to not follow the crowd. Well done, Mr. Slow lane man.  Next time I’ll join you. I promise to slow down, open the windows, and turn up the music.  But for right now, I have web surfing to do.  See ya!!!

 

Something to say…email me

 

 

7/6/04

I feel…sleepy

I rather be…in bed

HOME

“it takes a village”

 

Whoever came up with that phrase was not kidding.  It makes complete sense.  It does take a group of people to raise a child and manage a home.  I realized this last night as I was cooking dinner for my husband at 11pm after a full day of cleaning, playing, feeding, showers, room rearranging, and birthday party planning. It was a short day off with the children.  It was a good day, but all mothers know, a good day means a busy day for us. I was thinking about that phrase while I cooked and I realized that back in the days everyone lived closed to their families to help each other with the daily-grind. I picture the mom doing the laundry and food shopping after dropping off the kids at school. While the grandmother begins to cook and cleans up the kitchen and the aunts are cleaning up the rest of the house. When the husbands return from work everything is done at home and all they do is spend time with the family, and since the wife has the extra help, she is able to help the children with the homework and still have energy and stamina to have pleasurable sex with her husband. Ah!!!, the perfect world.  Don’t get me wrong, I personally find a million problems with that scenario.  I am a victim of the super-woman era. I want to do everything myself and look pretty while at it.  I don’t like a lot of people in my house. But I can’t help thinking how I long for simpler times.  When we had more time to be involved with the people we love the most.  And when I say time I also mean energy to give them our best.  Let’s face it, you can only give 100% to one thing at a time.

 

It was a much simpler time then; the men went to work and brought in the money and we were the home managers.  We made sure that the bills were paid, that there was food on the table, that the children were cared for, and that the home was habitable. That alone is a full time job including overtime.  Women were made to be the support system. The problem now is that we still do the same things, we just added more work.  Instead of having fourteen hours to manage the home now we have six.  Not much of a victory?

 

I think we women really set our selves up for failure, exhaustion, and un-satisfaction when we decided to go to work.  If the plan was to “free ourselves” and show the world that we could do anything a man can do, than boy, did we not think things through. We actually do more work than they do; we work harder and get paid less than they do. 

I know that working out side of the home brings us some sort of personal satisfaction, but no money, or promotion, or CEO position can give a woman the satisfaction of being there for our children and having a loving relationship with our husbands. Their love nourishes our soul better than a paycheck.  It has nothing to do with men domination.  No matter how hard we work, and we do work hard, it is still a man world out there. 

 

I mean whoever questioned that we are in fact equals had a short vision of their purpose in live.  We are equals, but just because we are equals doesn’t mean we have to do the same jobs.  We as humans are gifted to do different things.  Everyone has a perfectly designed position in life that plays a significant role in this circle.  I may sound old fashion but I am tired.  We have it all wrong.  Our self-sufficient generation has it all wrong. 

 

You may say to me, quit your job and stay home. As simple as that may be, I, like many others, am already addicted to what money can do for me.  Staying at home will mean having to adjust to what my husband can provide.  No big house or two cars in the garage.  No more buying a new pair of shoes when the seasons change. No sudden visits to the spa for a full body massage. Some women can do well with limited funds, but not me; at least not yet.  I like independence, I like making my own money and I like spending it too.  But this is all a false sense of satisfaction that drives us to regret, anxiety attacks, broken marriages, unstable children, illnesses, and heart attacks. God help us!!!

 

Prayer:  Lord, I don’t know what to ask for since this is all a human choice.  Help me slow down that I may enjoy what you have given me, not wasting too much time in what I want for tomorrow.  Help me live in your will, while using the gifts you have trusted me with. That I may glorify you and honor you in everything I do.  AMEN.

 

Something to say…email me